First Thankful List of 2011

I am thankful:
1.   I had a wonderful Christmas here at home with Mom.
2.  I took my BlackBerry Curve 8330 back to Sam’s Club because I was having many problems with it. Mom instead bought me the BlackBerry Curve 8530 from Best Buy. It is working much better for me. I do not worry about it all the time like I was doing with the other one.
3.  I got my Kindle for Christmas. I did not think I would like an e-reader a lot, but I absolutely love my Kindle. I am discovering and re-discovering many classics since I have the Kindle.
4.  Mom gave me $50.00 in a Kindle Store gift card and my niece, Leigh, gave me $25.00 in an Amazon gift card, so I have been able to buy content for my Kindle that is modern.
5.  Mom gave me $150.00 in Borders gift cards and my sister-in-law, Linda, gave $30.00 so I have been able to buy some excellent books. Especially love my Oxford American English Dictionary which I have been wanting for years. I bought some writing books as well, and a Borders Rewards Plus membership which will save me money all year. I still have around $32.00 to spend, so I may buy some eBooks to read on the computer, or more books from the store.
6. Alex sent me a teddy bear outfitted in Marine Corps fatigues with Mountz embroidered on the pocket just like his real uniforms.
7.  I am keeping a detailed calendar of what I do each day on my BlackBerry which transfers to Google calendar. This helps me budget my time more wisely.
8.  I read 130 books in 2010. Most of them were very enjoyable and I learned a lot through my reading. My goal for 2011 is the same as last year: 120 or more books. However, I hope to write more during 2011 so that may effect how many books I can read. Writing is very time consuming.
9.  I went out to lunch with one of my friends from my old Sunday School class yesterday. It was very good re-connecting with her. I enjoyed our conversation a great deal.
10. I experienced a very blessed year in 2010 and am looking forward to a wonderful year in 2011. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love. For all the drawbacks I face in life I am still a very happy person. Much good fills my days.

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1.   I was able to write many Christmas cards by hand this year.
2.  Borders sent me a 50% off one item and a 33% off one item coupon so I bought two books I had been wanting.
3.  My niece, Leigh, found an appropriate all-in-one for us to send to Alex so that he can copy, scan, fax, and print and hopefully get back in college classes.
4.   Laura visited Friday night and we had a good time.
5.   The sugar cookies I picked up at Sam’s Club were delicious.
6.   We were not stranded when the truck battery went dead because I had my BlackBerry and was able to call my nephew, Jeremy, for assistance.
7.   I have friends all over the world because I have access to my laptop with internet access.
8.   Mom is feeling fairly well.
9.   I am very fortunate and blessed.
10.  Hope is a very loving puppy dog.

Hope relaxing in my chair. She always turns herself into positions that look uncomfortable, but she seems happy.

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1.   Mom bought me a BlackBerry as an early Christmas present and is paying for six months of Boost Mobile service.
2.   I found new collars and leashes for Hope that are very pretty and were extremely reasonably priced.
3.   After being extremely upset, Mom has settled down and is being human again.
4.   I entered over 100 contacts into my BlackBerry and called several people I had not spoken to in ages. It was nice hearing their voices.
5.   I bought several wonderful books at Sam’s Club and Borders.
6.   Laura, Alex’s fiancée, asked me to do the writing inside their wedding invitations.
7.   We have heat to keep us warm as days grow cold.
8.   Hope, my puppy dog, is adorable, sweet, and lovable.
9.   So far, Mom and I have not been physically sick this season.
10. We are staying home for Christmas.
11.  I am blessed beyond all measure by the Lord who loves me and cares for my every need.
12.  My son, Alex, has grown into a wonderful young man who exceeds my expectations with his sterling character.
13.  I have read so many great books this year. 122 and counting.
14.  I cooked for Thanksgiving Day and Mom said it was delicious.
15.  I am content with my life, though it is not glamorous or exciting.

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1. Last week Borders gave me $15.00 in rewards to spend as I liked.
   
2. I met my reading goal of 120 books.
   
3. Mom enjoyed the meals I made for Thanksgiving Day.
   
4. Laura, Alex's girlfriend, has called a few times and I have enjoyed talking to her.
   
5. Reba's grandson was born a healthy baby.
   
6. Mom bought a new lawnmower.
   
7. I have reconnected with many people through facebook.
   
8. I am enjoying reading some eBooks on my computer.
   
9. I sent my desktop with Leigh to have the data recovered and perhaps it can be repaired.
   
10. I bought two new CDs and loaded them on my iPods.

Poem For Someone Special

Somehow I Just Know

Sometimes I feel you.
I know you are out there
Reaching toward me,
But I cannot see you.

I am only aware
You are waiting
Just as I am here,
Worlds and worlds apart.

One day somehow
Our paths will cross,
We will recognize
One another.

We will find our hearts
Have been searching
For what we can give
Each other.

All the lonely time
Will fade away
While you and I
Are finally together.

Please do not give up
Because I will wait
However long it takes
For you to arrive.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thoughts of Gratitude 2010

As the holiday season begins and Thanksgiving comes upon us, my thoughts turn to the blessings God has bestowed through this year and others. I know I am treasured because I am cared for well.

The greatest blessing in my life has been the gift of my family. We are not the happiest and most well rounded of families, but there is a great reservoir of love between us.

Were it not for my mother’s abiding love, I would not have prospered at all. She has always taken care of me, even when I was unable to care for myself. When the outlook for my life was bleakest, she continued in hope, faith, and prayer for me. I often needed shelter and she gave me a home. I needed guidance and she gently led me. She considered my existence worthwhile, even when all others deserted me. I am eternally in her debt.

My brother, James, who died of lung cancer on March 15, 2009, remains my hero. He did not always like me, but his love for me never ceased. He gave many precious hours in an effort to help me when there was trouble in my life. His efforts made things bearable when situations were dire. He stood in as a strong male figure when there was no one else on whom I could depend.

My niece, Carrie Leigh, has been a stalwart friend and confidant when there were few to whom I could turn. She and I have shared our lives much as sisters and I know she will do what she can to bring a smile even in the most desperate times.

My nephew, Jeremy, has taken on the role of protector that James carried for many years. Though he is young, he can be depended on to do his best in times when he is needed.

My sister-in-law, Linda, is not close to me, but she can be kind. There are times she does things to bring the family together that are beyond my skill.

The person who has most blessed my life is my son, Alex. I never knew before I held him on the day of his birth how large was the capacity of love I could feel for another. My life had often seemed worthless, but knowing he depended on me gave me purpose. Even though the responsibility he brought into my life was great, it could not eclipse the joy he gave from the beginning. I have spent years trying to nurture him and give him a good life. My efforts have paid off in that we are the best of friends and he has become a young man of whom I am very proud. I am so very glad God blessed me with the gift of Alex.

When Alex went to Parris Island to become a United States Marine there was a void in my life. One Sunday after church, Mom and I went to Wal-Mart. In the parking lot, we found Shih Tzu puppies for sale. I held one and we went on into the store. I knew I could not really afford a puppy, but Mom encouraged me to get one. That is how Hope came into my world. She is a great blessing to me, because she loves me unconditionally, loyally, and totally.  I can also bestow lots of love on her.

I am blessed to live in the United States of America, where freedom exists and there are so many advantages. I am able to worship God as I see fit and I can speak my mind. I am protected from injustice and allowed to follow my dreams. As a creative person, I may write what I have in my heart, draw and paint my vision, and be unafraid of persecution.

God is my strength and source. All I have and am come from His grace. The Lord Jesus is with me in all my days and every situation. When I turn to Him, He will not deny me. If there is anything good that I have accomplished, it was through Christ’s efficacy. I am nothing without God.

I am grateful for a multitude of things. The details I have given today are only a beginning. I hope as you read my note, it brought to mind things for which you are thankful. Maybe if we all enter the season with gratitude it will make these holidays some of the best we have ever experienced.

May many blessings be showered on each of you.

Always,
Jo Ann

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1.   I downloaded some wonderful ePubs or eBooks to my computer.

2.  I have made some more wonderful connections through Facebook.

3.  It rained here today.

4.  Though there were thunderstorms we had no power outage nor damage from the storm.

5.  Alex is keeping in touch though he is in Djibouti.

6.  I have a comfortable place to live, food to eat, and many things I enjoy.

7.  God is with me and blesses my life.

8.  I have a wonderful puppy dog in Hope to keep me company.

9.  I was able to enjoy listening to some music turned up yesterday.
10. Mom is enjoying the extra channels we have on Directv right now.

My Sweet Hope

Another Day, Another Computer Fiasco

I have had some interesting moments with my computers of late.


Thursday, September 30, 2010, I had to call Microsoft Technical Support because Outlook was malfunctioning. After a couple of hours that problem was resolved again. I am not convinced it is permanently resolved, but for the time being it works.

Monday, October 4, 2010, I downloaded Google Chrome. That went well and worked smoothly, but that was the best of my recent adventures in computing. Also on Monday, I had to migrate my blog, Chronicles, from MSN Live Spaces to WordPress. Overall that has worked out okay, except that the photo albums, lists, and links I had on MSN Live Spaces did not migrate. These omissions are not pleasing to me.

Thursday, October 7, 2010, Alex called from Djibouti and informed me my yahoo email account had been hacked. He thought I might have a key-logger on my laptop. I spent a good bit of the day changing passwords on many of the sites I frequent. I also ran Norton scans to find out if there was anything wrong with my laptop which has become my primary computer. I found no problems and am fairly sure the laptop is secure.

Today, October 8, 2010, I turned on the monitor on my desktop computer which was already on and the screen was asking for a boot disk. I turned the computer off because I thought it was just an odd error. I turned it back on and it worked fine until it should have opened the desktop after the Windows loading screen. Instead it rebooted and brought up the HP opening screen. I found out this is called boot-looping and that it could be a software issue or it may be a hard-drive failure. I am hoping my niece’s husband can help me recover the computer from this failure or I will have to take it in to the Geek Squad at Best Buy. I had no printer access with the laptop because it had been networked through the desktop, but I carried the laptop into the bedroom and plugged the printer cable directly into it. That worked, but I knew there was wireless access to the printer, so I called HP Technical Support to get their help setting up the connection. At first they told me my warranty was not active, but they finally verified that it covers my printer. The technician took about three hours to get everything working properly… there were several problems so it took longer than usual.

I sincerely hope that the desktop can be recovered because it has a great deal of programming and data on it that is not accessible any other way.

Hopefully nothing new will go wrong with the laptop, the network, or the printer. I do not think I can deal with another computer related fiasco any time soon.

Always,
Jo Ann

Photograph of Alex in Uniform

This is a picture of my son, Alex, who is a United States Marine.  Alex is currently in Djibouti and expects to be there until sometime in 2011. He is very happy as a Marine and has recently re-enlisted for another five years. He has been in the Corps since June 4, 2006. He has been stationed in Cherry Point, North Carolina, but his station will change to Japan after he returns from Djibouti. I am very proud of him and pray he stays safe.

Always,
Jo Ann

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1. Alex called Monday from Djibouti and sounded good.
2. Our trip to bring Alex's Ranger home from Cherry Point went amazingly well.
3. We had the dogs groomed on Monday and their appearance is much improved.
4. Mom has been riding the stationary bicycle and some feeling is coming back in her legs and feet.
5. The weather is cooler and I am able to walk with Hope more often.
6. I have bought two new books that I am looking forward to reading.
7. I downloaded Google Chrome and like the browser.
8. The heater came on without any problems when I turned it on for the first time this season.
9. We have a Sam's Club membership.
10. My leg and foot are feeling a bit better.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful:

1. Alex's girlfriend, Laura, made the drive here safely last night. She came to renew Alex's tags because he was unable to get leave time.

2. I have done several pages of journaling this week.

3. My phone is working after going out of service last Thursday. I will not be billed a service call because the problem was at the junction box.

4. Mom is feeling a little better after having a bad cough earlier in the week.

5. I use Microsoft One Note to write some of my journal entries and really like the program's interface.

6. Mom bought me a package of ice cream.

7. We live outside of the city and most of the time it is peaceful and quiet here.

8. My baby, my puppy dog, Hope, keeps me company.

9. I ordered a year subscription to O magazine, a tote bag with logo, and a white tee-shirt with logo from www.mycokerewards.com. Because I had the points these things were free.

10. My niece, Leigh, and I are very close. She and her family are helping out here and that lifts some of the burden on me.

Creative Thinking

Creative Journal – Entry Two – Creative Thinking
Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Creative thinking is thinking beyond the constraints of what I should, or ought, to think. I am able to travel anywhere in my mind and think of anything I please. I have no limits. Coming up with unique and outlandish thoughts is acceptable and even good. I can write from this place of safety and non-judgment. Sometimes my thoughts get predictable and are not very creative. It is then that I find myself unable to write or create anything of worth. Often I want some inspiration to bring myself into a creative state of mind. My everyday life is not always inspirational and I cannot necessarily pull inspiration into myself.

Creative thinking solves problems and moves me beyond my normal experience. It helps me deal with the issues of my life. Even when I am not inspired, some measure of creativity informs my days. I would face infinite boredom were I not a creative person. I have to think creatively to move beyond a constant sense of depression and defeatism. Creative thinking is optimistic, seeing the good in even mundane situations. Creative thinking makes walking Hope on the same path repeatedly into an adventure. It makes the subtle changes in scenery and the attitude of the dog a delight. Creative thinking makes routine tasks interesting and worthwhile. It gives me gifts of insight and encouragement. Ordinary things become extraordinary when viewed creatively. Creative thinking allows me to move outside myself and look at things from different perspectives. I can see more than one side of a problem when I engage creatively.

Last night I went to bed about 11:45 and woke at 5:50 this morning. With Mom gone, I have to sleep with both Hope and Ko-Ko. Ko-Ko is only five months old and wants to play early in the morning. She woke me licking my face. Even so, I had a lot more sleep than the night before and I feel better this morning.

The funeral for Terry went well yesterday. June is coping well. I feel so sorry for her, but I know Mom’s being with her is a great comfort. I am glad to watch over things here while Mom is away. She will not be coming home until Wednesday afternoon at the earliest.

It is nice to have the house to myself. I can do whatever pleases me. I am not too constrained when Mom is home. Some of her habits like running the television so much are a little annoying. She eats on an earlier schedule than I like and I usually feel obliged to eat when she does so we can share our meals. I am listening to more music, and at a higher volume, than I am able to when she is home. I eat when I get hungry and that works well for me too.

This morning I finished reading Creative Journal Writing by Stephanie Dowrick. I read the whole book and am going back to do all the excellent exercises. It will take months to finish them. I found this a very inspiring book. I am handling the process a little differently than she suggests. I am journaling on the laptop and she recommends writing free hand in a paper-based journal. She recommends keeping the journal completely private and I am sharing mine with the Journal Writing group. I guess as with most things I have to take what works for me and disregard the rest. I may even eventually post some of what I write here on my blog. I need to bring the blog up to date and post regular entries there. I have rather neglected it for some time.

I kept my weekly food journal for one week. It is interesting to look back over what I have eaten. Writing down my consumption limits it. I find it amusing that it works that way, but I do not want to eat as much so I will not have to write down great quantities of food. It would be embarrassing to have a huge list, even with only me looking at the journal. I am one weird person.

Well that is all for now. I have to get dressed and walk Hope while there is a break in the rain.

Always,
Jo Ann

Free Associations

Creative Journal – Entry One - Free Associations
Monday, October 12, 2009

I am reading Creative Journal Writing by Stephanie Dowrick, which I have had for months, but have not opened since I bought it at Borders. I will be doing exercises from this book. I hope that working through these will cause my creativity to flow. I have not written freely in months.

I am writing more since I began participating in the Journal Writing group frequently. I have been a member of the group for years, but have rarely participated. I decided participating might nudge me in the direction of actually journaling.

Journaling is a form of writing I enjoy, but I think what I am actually aiming for is more creative writing like poetry, stories, essays, and possibly even a novel. I am seriously considering NanoWriMo this year. I only have absolutely no idea what I will write about in the novel. I have the idea I worked on in the past, but I do not know that I could get any further with it this year than I have before.

Mom is gone with June so the puppy dogs and I have the house to ourselves. I have turned the iPod in the SoundDock to some instrumental music, which makes a great background for reading and writing. Steven Halpern’s music is grand accompaniment to quiet pursuits. I have several of his CDs loaded on the iPod. They are somewhat new age and inspirational.

Often when Mom is home, I cannot play music because she runs the television constantly. I am not a television person. This season I have found several shows I like to watch in the evenings, but I feel somewhat like I am wasting my time while watching them. Reading seems much more a worthwhile activity.

I considered again working my way through 40 Days and 40 Nights, which is a Guided Journal by Ilene Segalove. I could not muster the stamina for such an undertaking just now. I loved what I accomplished with it when I used it a few years ago. I have those entries saved on the old desktop computer.

I have found it is easier for me to journal on the computer than free hand. I have some beautiful blank books I have collected over the years, but I hardly used them. The collection just takes up a lot of space in my over cluttered room. I should really stop buying blank books, but seem unable to resist beautiful designs.

The clutter in my room is just about to make it unusable. Over nine years of living here, I have collected a lot of stuff. I seem unable to part with any of it so it just keeps piling up. I guess I am a pack rat. If I had more room, it would not be a bad thing.

The clutter is what had almost completely stopped me from using my old desktop computer. The chair at my desk in there was always full of clothes and I hated having to move them to sit down and compute.

I have many instructional books on writing that I have not read. I pick new ones up from time to time at Borders. I tend to read the library books more frequently because I know they must be returned and I know books I have bought will always be here. It is another of the groups of things I collect.

It is raining here and has been since I woke up at 2:48 this morning. I hope it does not cause flooding like a few weeks ago. I am worried that people who have just begun to recover their lives may face disaster again.

I think I have written enough for now. I do not know that I did the free associations as I should, but I made the attempt.

Always,
Jo Ann

An Old Poem I Found...

A Change In Life

For years I have walked lonely
The paths of ice
Ever seeking someone warm
A companion on life's way.

For years I have only found
The paths barren
Ever without any fire
In companions who were not true.

Then by chance, destiny changed;
The pathway cleared
Ever to my surprise
A champion, friend, companion was revealed.

For years, future, I shall rejoice
The paths to traverse
Ever sharing experience
In loving life with you.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Thanks for reading...

Smiles,
Jo Ann

A More Recent Picture of Me...

A More Recent Picture Of Me

A Very Personal Entry on Loss

THE LAST TIME I SAW MY GIRLS…

The last time I saw my twin baby girls they had never had opportunity to breathe our air. They were dead before they were born. I looked at each exquisite little body and cried for the loss of them. I never heard them cry or laugh, or saw them smile. It was inequitable, and hurt my heart and soul deeply.

I wanted to be their mother tremendously. I so needed to raise my girls and share their triumphs and tears. As I left them cold in the hospital and went back out into my life, I felt diminished. What was I without their presence?

Another bit of walking wounded had taken hold.

Katherine Rose and Melissa Faith were children of love, too magnificent to exist among us. I looked at them and whispered, "I will never forget you." That is a pledge I will always keep.

They were so like their Daddy, and yet a fragment of my characteristics was visible in each form. Leaving them, somehow I wanted to bring my girls with me. They were not there... the part of them I saw was just the shell holding their lives.

Even those little bodies, I desired to take with me. I knew it would not be beneficial, and I had to release them, but I never felt anguish as intensely.

I do not regret carrying them in my womb, but will forever miss their living.

The last time I saw my twins they were nude and I did not expose their bodies completely. I regret I did not see the whole of them one last time.

Just then, I felt as if looking at them I would never be able to leave. I had to go on living. I let them go away, and now I only have their ashes, memories, and photographs. I also carry them alive within my mind…

My girls will never know how much I loved them, but it comforts me to realize how precious they are. The last time I saw my twins I gave them up to God, and honored them by returning to my life.

There is more love in me than ever…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Creative Journal Entry 13

Send cards… Something about
personal mail brightens a dull day.

I do not send cards like I once did because I seldom received any in return and I like mail as much as the next person does. I did however buy some Blank cards with pictures on them and hope to send some out this year.

I enjoy sending cards because I can say things I might not verbalize in person. It gives me a chance to think about what I am going to say and revise if need be.

I have totally blank cards to make my own designs and sometimes those are very attractive.

I should start sending out cards again, but email is easier.

Smiles,
Jo Ann

Creative Journal 12

Laugh…

Sometimes it is hard to laugh when there is so much stress. Laughter is a good release of tension so finding something funny in life is a good idea. Sometimes I even fake a laugh and it does something to elevate mood.

I have to find humor in life or it overwhelms me. I will not be overcome by desperation. I will persevere. There is a certain innate humor in life if you are open to it. Things are poetic.


I am thinking about moving some content from Chronicles over here, only because I keep having problems with MSN Spaces. I am not sure this site gets enough traffic yet though. It will be a slow transition.

Smiles,
Jo Ann

I Sometimes Light A Candle... 

Creative Journal 11

Write down your goals…
Know what is really important to you.

Goals, never been good at stating those because whenever I make one I seem to fall way short, so I rarely make them.

I guess right now my main goal is to be an instrument of love in the world. This means that I attempt to show compassion and consideration for all beings I meet and those for which I can pray. It means that I can respect everyone even if I disagree with or dislike them. I ask God to fill me with his love daily and to teach me where I can bring love to light.

It is my goal to journal every day. This does not mean that I will always write a lot, but that I will at least make an effort to confer with my writerly self once per day. (Spell check says writerly is not a word; I say it ought to be)

A long-term goal of mine has been to raise Alex to be an upstanding individual. I think this is being realized. It will not be long before he will be out in the world on his own. Other than burying myself in debt, I think I have performed well on this… the debt I will somehow deal with.

A goal I would like to meet is doing something creative daily. I am trying to do this now but sometimes I would honestly rather read than do the work. Creation is work, even though some people think it all play.

I would like to find a way to make some income. This would bring lots of blessing into my life. Just having some discretional cash without going deeper into debt would be awesome. I wish I could somehow help others and at the same time make money.

I have made very wordy statements for someone who does not think in terms of goals.

Smiles,
Jo Ann