Sunday, September 18, 2011

Notes on my 30 Year High School Class Reunion

A portion of the Pebblebrook High School Class of 1981 met last night for our thirty year class reunion. It was held in Douglasville so I did not have to travel far and the venue was beautiful. The reunion committee did a wonderful job of arranging the event and the attendance was good. I enjoyed seeing so many people from my past. Many gave me a warm welcome, which was very nice. The hugs and kind words were sweet. I was so nervous, but everything worked out well. I wish I could see these friends of mine more often. I carried my Nikon and was able to take some photographs. I would have liked to snap everyone’s picture, but it did not work out that way. I won one of the prizes: a $25.00 Visa gift card that I can use anywhere. I have not decided what I will do with the gift, but it is so nice that I won. Everyone looked marvelous and seemed so happy, I am very glad I chose to go. There were faces missing that I would have liked to see, but it was a joy seeing those who were there. Overall a fabulous evening spent with some of the best people in the world.

Always,
Jo Ann

DSC_0355

Mom took my photo before I left for the evening.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Thankful Thursday and Thoughts–September 8, 2011

I am thankful:

1.   Mom and I had an enjoyable lunch at Hudson’s Barbecue while we were out to run errands yesterday.
2.   Penny is doing well on the medicine the veterinarian changed.
3.   I have read some excellent books recently.
4.   I archived some of the free eBooks on my Kindle, and with the memory freed the device is working much better.
5.   Alex and I chatted a few nights ago and he seemed to be doing well.
6.   The temperature was a bit cooler, so Hope and I walked a mile last evening.
7.   I have been cooking more, and Mom seems to really enjoy it. I still hate to cook, but it is nice to make her happy.
8.   The recent storms have passed us by without any damage.
9.   Jeremy fixed the air conditioner on my Buick.
10.  I cleaned out all the freezers, so there is only good food inside.

I have been trying to stay home as much as possible because going into town has been making me very nervous since my niece, Leigh, and her family had their van stolen. I know they were in a different city, and that Washington, D.C. is a high crime area, but I cannot seem to shake the feeling that something bad might happen while I am out. I am more comfortable at home on the average day.

I managed to buy some books and bookmarks at Borders’ going out of business sale. I would have liked it more if I had had more money to spend, but some is better than none. I am so disappointed that my favorite bookstore is ceasing to exist. I suppose Amazon will get my business from now on because there is no nearby physical bookstore. Thankfully a new library is opening near here soon. I read many more library books than books I own. Reading is an expensive habit without library books. The free eBooks on Kindle give me lots of reading material too. One thing I really must begin to do is leave a book if it doesn’t interest me and stop plodding through books just because I started them.

I am planning on going to my thirty year class reunion this month, but am a little hesitant about it. School was not such a pleasant thing for me because I was bullied, though I do have some good memories on the academic side. I have always enjoyed learning. I hope this reunion is better than the ten year one I attended.

Laura, my daughter-in-law, found a puppy. She seems totally taken with Luna who is a black Lab mix. I think with all the attention she is giving the puppy that it should turn out to be a fine dog. I have no doubt Luna will be just as spoiled as my Hope.

I have not been paying much attention to my creative side. I fail to write, I fail to draw, and I fail to paint. Somehow I need to get back to those things, but my enjoyment of reading seems to hold me captive. There should be a balance, where I create and I read, but that does not seem to happen. At least I am not hooked on television. Computers, yes, books, yes, but those things give me some hope that I can be reunited with my creative side. I should really come here and blog more often, but I have little incentive. I often feel I am only talking to myself, and I can do that in my head without all the effort of typing out the thoughts and making them sensible. I manage to post on Twitter and Facebook quite often via TweetDeck, but even that seems futile at times. One day I am going to make a collection of my best Twitter posts and bring them here. I think some of them are quite erudite.

I hope all of you are doing well and living happily. I am happy in my life be it ever so simple.

Always,
Jo Ann

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Update and Thankful List - Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Much has happened since I last updated here. My son Alex spent a little more than a month here at home with us. It was good to have him home, but it was also hectic. On Saturday, July 2, 2011 Alex married Laura-Ann Coale. The wedding ceremony was beautiful and I am so happy to have gained a wonderful daughter-in-law. I hope and pray that God will richly bless their marriage. I was kept busy with helping to arrange the event and keeping the household running. Alex left for Japan, where he will be stationed for three years, on July 8th. We have not had much communication since then. I am hoping we will begin to communicate more as he settles into life there.

I am thankful:

1.   Alex and Laura had a beautiful wedding.
2.   They were able to get away for a short honeymoon.
3.   Mom and I were able to be at the wedding, and help make things work out well.
4.   Laura has been working on our back porch and is going to stain it and the ramp.
5.   I re-learned how to use the DVD player and have watched a concert with Mom.
6.   I have been cooking more, even though I still hate cooking.
7.   I have had some awesome books to read.
8.   The lilies finally bloomed and I got some beautiful pictures.
9.   Alex gave me an iPod Touch 64GB.
10.  The dogs were groomed last Wednesday and look adorable.

Mom had a bad day Friday, and was very sick. She is doing better now.

I have been very concerned about the drama playing out in Washington and am quite convinced that our politicians have lost touch with the American people. I do not believe they have our best interests at heart. I may be very economically challenged, but I still vote, and the incumbents in the House and Senate will not have my vote in the upcoming election. This idiocy has caused much stress for me and I will remember. When the livelihoods of myself and a significant portion of my family are threatened because of governmental mismanagement, I notice. I am quite fed up with legislators who believe they are immune to any ill effects of the decisions they make. There needs to be some consideration for the people of this nation, and if not, the government needs changing.

I am very sad that Borders is going out of business since they have been the dominant bookstore in my life for most of my life. I suppose that Amazon will gain the majority of my business in the future since they have much better prices than any other bookstore I can name. I thank God for my local public library, because in reality, most of the books I read come from there.

Hope goes for her annual exam this month. I am hoping the veterinarian does not find her overweight. She is bigger than Mom’s two Shih Tzu.

My sleep schedule has changed a bit. I now stay up very late, like 2am and 3am. I sleep in very late as well. It gives me some quiet time to read and compute without the distraction of the television which Mom runs a great deal when she is awake.

Life goes on. I hope things are going well for all of you.

Always,
Jo Ann
 

Friday, June 03, 2011

Thankful List–Friday, June 3, 2011

I am thankful:

1.   Mom was able to go to town with me today.
2.   We completed out shopping without any problems.
3.   My book, Poetry Writing by Fiona Sampson arrived in the mail from Borders.com.
4.   I bought a pretty journal at Wal-Mart and a leather bound blank book at Sam’s Club. Both were inexpensive.
5.   I was able to order a new insurance card for Mom when I called to pay my premium with AARP.
6.   I unloaded the truck after our trip to town in two stages so I did not overheat. It was 103 degrees today.
7.   The books that were mutilated in shipping look as if sitting heavy volumes on them is going to straighten out the covers and pages. Maybe I will not have to return them after all.
8.   We ate lunch at Wendy’s and Mom paid for my meal.
9.   I have plenty of books and e-Books to read.
10.  Jeremy is going to send someone to check out our air conditioner because it is not keeping the house cooled to the temperature set on the thermostat.

Always,
Jo Ann

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Thankful Thursday–June 2, 2011

I am thankful:

1.   Air conditioning keeps the house livable in the scorching heat.
2.   Two of the books I had ordered from Borders.com arrived. I am not sure I am keeping them because they were mutilated in shipping, but at least they finally came. I am a stickler for perfect books.
3.   We are staying home today.
4.   I am cooking sirloin steaks with broccoli rice au gratin and sweet peas with pearl onions and mushrooms for supper. We will have lemon meringue pie for dessert.
5.   I remembered to remove my bookmarks when I had to return some books that were on hold at the library.
6.   Penny felt feisty enough to bark at Ko-Ko earlier today. Penny is a thirteen year old Shih Tzu and Ko-Ko is an irritating two year old of the same breed.
7.   There have been no thunderstorms for a week or more. However, I wish God would see fit to send us some good soaking rains. The plants are suffering.
8.   I have decided to put off purchasing a new computer for some time. I may attempt upgrading this laptop to Windows 7, since I have the disk and everything.
9.   I am not in quite so black a mood.
10.  Writing out thankful lists seems to make me feel somewhat better.

Always,
Jo Ann

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Thankful List–Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Another list to help me look at the brighter side of things and possibly leave my negativity behind. Yesterday was a little better after writing out some things for which I was thankful.

I am thankful:

1. Alex and Laura are gone for a few days.
2. I found some interesting books at the library yesterday.
3. We do not have any appointments scheduled for the rest of the week.
4. I have my BlackBerry to keep me connected on the go.
5. Alex trimmed some of the bushes.
6. Alex patched the roof on the barn.
7. The pen I bought at Michael’s after Easter writes very well.
8. Yesterday I bought a nice journal at Wal-Mart and another at Sam’s Club.
9. Jenna came and got her graduation presents. She appreciated what we gave her.
10. I will have some money when Friday comes.

Always,
Jo Ann

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Thankful List - Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I really need to do this right now because I am in a very negative mind space. I am not sure I can come up with ten positive things but I am going to try.

I am thankful:

1. Mom’s diagnostic mammogram showed there was nothing wrong.
2. My dog, Hope, is always faithful and loving.
3. I have a working computer.
4. I have internet access.
5. Libraries have books I can borrow.
6. I have a home that provides shelter for me.
7. I have food to eat.
8. I have fresh water to drink, cook with, and bathe in.
9. I have a creative mind.
10. I have friends who do not desert me when I am sad.

I managed to write this out. Maybe I should do it several days in a row to encourage a better mood. Something has to change or I am going to wind up having to go for counseling despite my lack of funds.

Always,
Jo Ann

Monday, May 30, 2011

When I Am At A Crossroads, I…

When I am at a crossroads, I look both ways before crossing. This includes looking backward into the past, and forward toward the possibilities of the future. I try to base present decisions on the consequences I have experienced from past choices. Sometimes I can only hope that things will improve in the future. I know that the present is only temporary, but some of its happenings are causing wonder about how things will turn out. Moment by moment I navigate the storms that batter me without a reliable global positioning system. I have no conception of where I will end up, but am terribly afraid it will be in a bad situation. I just hope my new circumstances allow internet connection so I can stay in contact with the outside world, which helps ground me. I need my friends for support, and most of them only interact with me in the cyber-world. This is not most beneficial. Eye contact and vocal communication add much to conversation that text fails to convey. However, Facebook, Twitter, and the email group Journal Writing are better than isolation.

Always,
Jo Ann

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Incompetence Rules

One expects great care
Dealing with professionals,
Sadly mistaken.

Diligence lacking
Most tasks are carelessly done,
Mistakes often made.

Such outrageous costs
For inferior service,
Must still fully pay.

The price quite absurd,
Total incompetence rules
Our society.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

To the Survivors of Tornadoes 2011

After the awful storms were over,
The terrible devastation complete,
Little was left unscathed, intact.

Many were lost to the storms’ treachery,
For those copious tears continually fall
And survivors will always be left to grieve.

Those graciously spared said grateful prayers
Just fervently thankful to still be there
To hold close a loved one so very dear.

Even though their homes were gone,
They stood up proud and strong
Determined to continue, carry on.

They fought to put their lives back
In some semblance of together
And others came to lend them aid.

So many brave, battered souls
Lifted up by millions of prayers,
God be with them, always there.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Am Fragile, Weak

My psychiatrist says I must now
See him every three months
So he can vigilantly observe me
Because I came nearly apart again.

The stress to which I am currently subjected
Is somewhat beyond my ordinary safety limit.
I worry about Mom obsessively and constantly,
I cannot distance myself from her plight.

I have full responsibility for care of Mom
And everything else, which is maintained here.
There is no one stepping in to render aid,
It is do-it-myself or leave it completely undone.

I am capable, and can perform most tasks
As long as no one looks too closely or asks,
“How are you doing?” I answer, “Very well.”
I will not let down my habitual trusted mask.

Underneath the well-worn façade I realize
There are cracks in my courage, my resolve,
I barely hold on to my placid existence:
I live in total abject horror of Mom’s passing.

My friends who pay close attention may
Have some awareness of my fragility,
But my family does not recognize
How very desperate I sometimes am.

I must toughen up and stand firm
For the situation will not get better
Mom’s deterioration is hastening along,
I promised to care for her, and I will.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Monday, May 23, 2011

Half My Life Is Gone, And I Have Given

Many days I have spent in deep despair
Because the love I wanted was not there
Within the heart of him I desired, so dear.

Many days I have tried to please
Someone or other who only teased
With words and actions at their ease.

Many days I have gone to great length
To show my character possesses strength
With little success, or so others might think.

Many days I have spent wandering inside
The creations of writer’s minds outside
The reality where I must truly reside.

Many days I have tried to inspire
Myself or someone else to enquire
Into the depths of creativity’s empire.

Many days I have gone beyond myself
Trying to help another achieve for themselves
What I could not seem to do by myself.

Many days and countless hours, I have spent
Hoping that I might somehow repent
For wasted time that others may resent.

Many days I have tried to finally accomplish
Some worthy work to fulfill my lifelong wish
To do something perfectly and actually finish.

Many days I have gone alone to bed
With silly dreams of victory in my head
For deeds undone and words left unsaid.

© Jo Ann J.A. Jordan
Monday, May 23, 2011

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Come To Me In The Silence Of The Night

After my mother has gone to bed,
When the television is turned off
And I can think, clearly and completely.

We will create something wondrous,
A poem or story the world has not seen
A hint of at any other given time.

Come to me when I can fully relax,
Give myself over to my imagination
With no qualms about Mom’s neglect.

Come muse, infuse me with passion,
Give over my will to the flow of words,
Create something fabulous in my mind.

Never torment me by eluding my effort
Give me the words I need without pause
For I am enslaved, enthralled, in your service.

After all the errands are finally run
When the world is drifting into slumber
And I can devote all my energy, totally.

We will endeavor to capture the exact word,
A noun, adjective, or verb as yet unheard
By the unsuspecting, unready world.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Sunday, May 22, 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Haiku – Saturday, May 21, 2011 – Early Morning


My Mom is not well
I struggle to aid her health,
The days are fleeting.

My Kindle woos me
With an abundance of words,
I read at leisure.

I adore reading,
But writing is my true work...
Must apply effort.

If world is ending
I will not complete my work,
So much left undone.

Many predictions
None yet have ever come true,
Only God knows time.

After all this time
My love has barely faded,
You still have my heart.

Coming into day
With great anticipation
To accomplish much.

Memory may fade
But moments are still treasured
As each passes by.

We killed the head,
The body still organizes
Preparing to strike.

A child is a gift
A responsibility
Treasured forever.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I Am Afraid…

Mom’s health is deteriorating. She is having more problems all the time. I am doing my best to care for her, but I have no control over systems in her body that are malfunctioning. I monitor and report to her doctors. They do not have the answers either. We are fighting a war we cannot win against an opponent all who live must face, aging. Eventually living catches up with us and we begin to wear out. Death comes steadily closer in an inevitable march.

Tuesday, we both had mammograms. Mine was fine. They found something suspicious on the left side in Mom’s results. She has to have another mammogram next Tuesday. I know it may be as simple as a shadow, but I am worried. What will I do if there is something wrong? How will I face it?

Her blood pressure has been uncontrollable. Sometimes it is very high, sometimes it is very low. I monitor it, but I cannot regulate it.
The Parkinson’s disease is progressing; the weakness and trembling are getting worse. I cannot make it go away.

Her memory is failing. There are things she just does not hold in her mind anymore. I try to keep up with everything, but what of the things she knew that I never learned?

I try my best to care for her, but nothing I do is making things better. I hate watching her get worse, but I cannot stop the hands of time.

I still need my mother, without her things will be so much more difficult for me. I will have to go without the things she helps me have. I will have no one to listen to my uncontrolled rants. I will have no one to share my fears. I will have no one to cheer me when I have no will to carry on. No one cares for me so much or so unconditionally. Who will face my insanity with me and help me back to reality? Who will talk to me, anytime? Who will bring me a present, just because? I do not think I can face life without her. How do I prepare to lose her? Can I really face days alone?

I am afraid… I know I am strong, but I am also very weak. I am used to her support, she is always there holding me in her love. How will I survive?

God is with us always, but sometimes God seems impersonal and far away. Mom can hold me in her arms, God cannot, not physically. How do I live without hugs and smiles?

I pray she is here longer, because I love Mom so much, but I also pray she has to suffer very little. I cannot hold her to this life when she is very uncomfortable here.

What am I to do? I am terrified…

Always,
Jo Ann

Writing Fears

This is an exercise from Page after Page by Heather Sellers. I am to make a list of twenty five fears I have about writing. They may not all be rational, but here is my list:

1.     I don’t have anything important to say.
2.     I don’t have a college degree.
3.     I might say something embarrassing.
4.     My grammar isn’t great.
5.     I might make a mistake.
6.     Someone might dislike my writing.
7.     I have a disability.
8.     I might use the wrong words.
9.     I am not good at writing.
10.    I am scared to tell my truth because someone might hate me for it.
11.    I don’t have enough time to make all the writing perfect.
12.    I will never finish anything.
13.    It is too hard to write.
14.    My life isn’t interesting enough.
15.    I have not accomplished enough in my life.
16.    I constantly edit myself.
17.    I am really a reader, not a writer.
18.    My ideas are too original.
19.    My ideas aren’t original enough.
20.    I don’t always make sense.
21.    If I succeed I might not be presentable in public because I am not beautiful.
22.    I should participate in more writer’s groups.
23.    I am not a good enough person to be a writer.
24.    No one wants to read my drivel.
25.    I don’t have enough talent.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

When I Write… I Must Sacrifice

Unfortunately, I do not write as much as I should. I have some talent, and some say a way with words. There are things I concentrate on more than writing practice.

I am an avid reader. This year I have read forty-five books and they have not been thin volumes. I will read instead of taking time to write.

I have responsibilities that take up a large amount of my time: chores, shopping, caring for Mom and the dogs, and cooking. I also spend many moments computing: checking and answering email, chatting with my son, Alex, who is a U.S. Marine, updating and checking Facebook, and posting to Twitter and reading the posts of those I follow.

The truth is these pursuits do not prevent my writing. I could read and compute less, easily finding time to devote to writing, but I am not motivated to do so, because I enjoy reading and computing. Writing is exhausting mental work. It is much easier to take information in than to formulate meaningful sentences, which will hold the attention of another person. Often I think of writing, but am not inspired with a topic upon which to expound. I can come up with a 140-character thought to post to Twitter and Facebook, but going beyond that is more difficult.

I have a plethora of books on the art and craft of writing, and could probably find inspiration in some of those. I know I should write if I ever intend to produce work of value. I am so afraid of writing something of inferior quality that I avoid writing much at all.

I love writing and find it very satisfying. I feel a need to put my words into a permanent form, but I rarely make the sacrifice required to accomplish that goal. Perhaps there is an element of laziness in this shirking of effort.

I am sincerely considering reading less so that I may devote more time to writing. That would be a huge sacrifice to me because reading is one of my greatest joys.

If you write, what do you sacrifice to put out your words ?

Always,
Jo Ann

 

Note to Writers and Authors

I am an avid reader and I write. I do not know that I will ever be widely published because I have a great fear of failure. That stymies my creativity.

Today, I speak directly to writers and authors. I love reading and spend much of my time perusing the pages of books and eBooks. I am a kind reviewer, giving many of the books I read the highest ratings. However, I find it very distracting to read poorly edited books. To come upon one or two mistakes in a text is forgivable, but when pages are riddled with wrong words, omitted words, and grammatical problems, it pulls me out of the story. I see how careless the writer has been and how little respect he/she has for the reader. I like to give indie authors a chance when I read on my Kindle, but many of these eBooks appear to be totally unedited. The story may be marvelous, but the craft should be attended to as well.

I know most of us write on computers these days, and am thankful for spell-check. Even with the marvelous aids given by technology, a careful reading of what is written is required. If you, as a writer, lack the skill to recognize your own mistakes, have someone with some knowledge of English read over your work and suggest corrections. Please have enough respect for your readers to produce clear copy. You will earn more repeat readers by so doing.

I hope this will make an impression on those who are self-publishing, and even those with publishers.

Always,
Jo Ann

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Don’t Care Either…

I received this as a forwarded email. I thought it worth passing along here.

Thought you might like to read this letter to the editor of a British national newspaper. Ever notice how some people just seem to know how to write a letter?

Here is a woman who should run for Prime Minister!

Written by a housewife, to her daily newspaper. This is one ticked off lady.

“Are we fighting a war on terror or aren’t we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores in July 2002, and in New Your, September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since?

Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day in London, and in downtown Manhattan, and in a field in Pennsylvania?

Did nearly three thousand me, women and children die a horrible burning or crushing death that day, or didn’t they?

And I’m supposed to care that a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.

I’ll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11 and 7/7>

I’ll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan.

I’ll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg’s head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I’ll care when the cowardly so called ‘insurgents’ in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques and behind women and children.

I’ll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of Nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

I’ll care when the British media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting at home to hear about them when something happens.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a British soldier roughing up an insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this:

I don’t care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take this to the bank:

I don’t care.

When I hear that a prisoner – who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and ‘fed special food’ that is paid for by my taxes – is complaining that his holy book is being ‘mishandled,’ you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:

I don’t care.

And oh, by the way, I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s spelled ‘Koran’ and other times ‘Quran.’ Well, believe me, you guessed it…

I don’t care!”

If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your friends. Sooner or later, it’ll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!

If you don’t agree, then by all means ignore it. Should you choose the latter, then please don’t complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country! And may I add:

‘Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. Our soldiers don’t have that problem.’

I have another quote that I would like to add, AND… I hope you forward all this,

Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for you:

1. Jesus Christ
2. The British Soldier
3. The Canadian Soldier
4. The U.S. Soldier
5. The Australian Soldier

One died for your soul, the other four for your freedom.

You might want to pass this on, as many seem to forget about all of them.

Amen!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Review of A Book I Loved

If you are looking for an excellent gift for the readers in your life on Mother’s Day, I believe you will make them very happy if you give them this superb book.

The Other Life by Ellen Meister is the most beautiful book I have read in years. The story is full of love, pain, joy, and triumph. The characters touch the heart and make one cheer. The choice between two lives is portrayed with great care.

What if you could step from one reality to another? How would you choose between those you love? The choice to go into a life where there is less personal turmoil would tempt anyone, especially if the other life held someone very dear. Quinn is faced with no easy choices. She lives honestly and goes through a huge dilemma deciding her fate and that of those she loves.

I give this book my highest recommendation. I believe the story will touch your heart and make you think. There is so much contained within the covers of this volume. The secondary characters are well developed and presented with loving consideration. Go get this book and read it, you will not regret a single moment you spend with this splendid tale.

Always,
Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Friday, April 08, 2011

A Bit of My History with Mental Illness

I have lived with diagnosed mental illness since 1981. When I look back, I know it began before then. The bullying I was subjected to throughout my school years, the consistent yelling and fighting that went on between my parents and the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my father negatively affected me and does to this day. I have forgiven those that hurt me, but the damage lingers ingrained in my personality, my emotions, and my mind.


I married at sixteen, hoping that would end some abuse, but because my husband and I lived for a time in my parents’ home nothing really changed. We finally moved out and I was away from my father, so some trauma eased. There were serious problems in the marriage and it fell apart. The divorce was driving me insane and then I was given drugs that caused my first huge psychiatric breakdown in 1981. My mother and brother rescued me. I nearly died and without the prayers of thousands of people, I would never have made it. The doctors told my family that I would be a vegetable, but God had other plans.


I moved back into my parents’ home and the sexual abuse began again. My father was a master manipulator, who kept me in fear so I never revealed what was happening to me. He hid all his deviousness from my mother, so she was never aware of his monstrous acts. Threats kept me scared to say anything even when he was convicted of child molestation with other children. I also feared that the father I deeply loved would be taken out of my life forever and did not know how my mother and I would survive without my father’s financial support.


I was originally diagnosed with severe Paranoid Schizophrenia. I was on medication for a while, but because of the cost and the severe side effects, I did not remain on it long. I worked and lived at home where I was tormented for several years. I was in and out of mental wards and on and off medication.


When the opportunity to move in with a co-worker presented itself, I quickly accepted. That situation was not a good one and I moved back to my parents’ home after a short time. I then moved in with a boyfriend and that worked until he began mistreating me. I went back to my parents’ home, worked and suffered. Another boyfriend invited me to Chattanooga, Tennessee to live with him and marry. That went well for a while. He was determined I keep a job so I went to High Point, North Carolina and sold Kirby vacuums door to door. The situation there was not ideal and my mother came to get me. I moved back to Chattanooga with my boyfriend. I was not on medication and became pregnant in 1987. My boyfriend wanted me to have an abortion, but I was afraid I might never get pregnant again, and did not believe in abortion, so I fought for my baby. My boyfriend and I married, but he warned me it was a two-year trial marriage. Alex was born on May 16, 1988, and I devoted my life to him, and trying to please my husband. Before the two years were over my husband demanded a divorce. He would allow me to continue to live with him, but we would no longer be married. Alex and I went back to my parents’ home and the abuse began again. I had another mental breakdown including hospitalization and went back on medication for a short time.


I recovered enough to get a decent management job, and met my third husband. We lived in my parents’ basement, but most of the abuse stopped. I was overworked in my job and very sleep deprived. Eventually it led to my having a mental breakdown, at this point my diagnosis was changed to Schizo-Affective Disorder. My boss unfairly fired me terminating my excellent health and disability benefits. I was not able to go back to work. My parents moved to Douglas County, where my brother, James, lived. They left us to rent their house in Mableton with our payments going toward purchasing the house. We lived happily for quite a while, but in 1996 my nephew, Jim, was killed in a car accident, and my father died of an aneurism shortly afterward. I had been living without medication and the stress caused me to have problems. Our marriage fell apart, and I was again hospitalized. While the divorce was going on, I applied for Social Security Disability at the recommendation of my doctors. I finally began receiving benefits in 1997 after moving back with my Mom. I stayed on my medication and lived quite well. Alex and I were quite happy.


I continued to communicate with my third ex-husband and we recovered our relationship in 1999. Alex and I moved into his home. I became pregnant with twins and stopped taking my medication. The twins had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Melissa Faith died and the neo-natal doctors urged me to terminate Katherine Rose because there were extremely high risk factors for her and myself. In one of the hardest decisions I ever made, I chose to terminate the pregnancy. My mental state declined and I disobeyed a rule my ex had made. He kicked us out of the house and put all our belongings on the carport, subsequently those things were stolen. I over dosed on medication trying to kill myself because I felt there was no hope for me. I wound up in the hospital and was put back on medication. Alex and I tried living with my brother, Melvin, but that was a total disaster and I asked my Mom if we could come back to her home. She agreed.


Shortly after we moved in with her, Mom was stung by twenty-seven yellow jackets and she had a mini-stroke. Her health began to decline, she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, and she was restricted from driving because of the mini-strokes. I became her primary caregiver. My brother, James, was diagnosed with lung cancer. My brother, Melvin, learned my father had molested my nieces, my friend, and I. He and his wife, Carol, cut off all contact with my Mom and brother, James. They claim it is my Mom’s fault my father abused us. They declare she is just as guilty as he was. When I finally asked Mom if she knew my father had abused us, she said no. I believe my Mom because she has never been a liar. Carol continued to communicate with me by email, but I finally decided if they could no longer visit my Mom and James that I did not need to be in contact with them.


Thanks to my Mom and brother, James, I was able to raise Alex to become a fine young man. He is a United States Marine serving our country. James died on March 15, 2009 after a prolonged illness in which Mom and I provided a great deal of his care. I promised James I would take care of Mom and I intend to do it to the best of my ability.

I am very fortunate that I am controlled on medication right now. Even with it, I have some impairment, but it is not obvious in most interactions. I realize it, and am aware that I am having difficulties, but others may not.


Right now, there are things that are stressing me terribly. Without my Social Security Disability Income, Medicare, and medically needy Medicaid I could not survive. I am afraid of cuts to these programs. My Mom is seriously ill and experiencing a worsening of symptoms and effects right now, and as her full-time caregiver I am under a lot of stress. I had my last significant breakdown in April 2005 and for most with my condition the best case without one is five years, many are hospitalized at least every two years. I am therefore "living on borrowed time" so to speak. Stress and lack of sleep can push me over the edge, and I have had a bit of both going on recently.


I actually do some writing at times. There is a bit of my work posted in my notes on Facebook and more on my blog at www.hopefuljo.wordpress.com . I often think there is a book in me, but my self-esteem is not strong enough to support that kind of sustained effort. I have actually gotten to the point where most of my writing is done in 140 characters or less on Twitter and simultaneously posted to Facebook via TweetDeck. I also have some editing and publishing experience because I desktop published a magazine some years back.


I have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ and I credit that belief with getting me through much of the distress I have encountered in life. I, however, have difficulty with doing some things associated with faith. I am very uncomfortable in crowds, so I do not regularly attend church. I have a huge amount of paranoia and tend to persecute myself so reading scripture can cause me problems. I can become convinced I am going to Hell and have horrible nightmares. I have to be careful. I do study the Bible, but I have to do it in small bits and make sure I do not linger too long in the very negative passages.


I hope this gives some insight. I really do not know how to express these things very well. Until recently, I have been terribly afraid to discuss any of this. Some people have no empathy and cannot relate or understand and I do not like to stir up hate.


Always,
Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Monday, February 28, 2011

Some Random Things You May Not Know About Me…

1.   I love my steak medium rare.
2.   I could spend unlimited amounts of money on books and eBooks.
3.   I treat my puppy dog, Hope, as if she is my second child.
4.   I am a very good editor and once published a magazine.
5.   I love electronic gadgets: computers, iPods, BlackBerry cellphones, Nikon digital cameras, digital video cameras, and my Kindle.
6.   I collect so many things my room is overly cluttered.
7.   I love my son, Alex, so much that it is often overwhelming.
8.   I don’t believe in buying songs from iTunes, but always buy my music on CD.
9.   I am a perfectionist, not a good thing at all, as it keeps me from trying things at times.
10.  I am very loyal, trusting, and love my friends and family very deeply.
11.   I have a slow temper, but once I am angry I can hold a grudge for a long time.
12.  I sometimes have a very dirty mouth, usually when angry.
13.  I hate to cook, but am quite good at it.
14.  My favorite color is red.
15.  The Rolling Stones are my favorite Rock stars and I have seen them in concert twice.
16.  I watch very little television and find it very irritating.
17.  I am a Christian, but have moderate attitudes.
18.  I have never flown on an airplane.
19.  I am very good at entertaining myself and almost never become bored.
20. I take care of my 81 year old mother who has Parkinson’s Disease and other maladies.
21.  I believe all people have unlimited creativity and special talents.
22. I love art and can draw and paint a bit.
23. I almost always wear Nikes.
24. I have had the same email address over ten years.
25. Some people say I am a talented writer, but I have not written creatively in a while.

Friday, January 07, 2011

First Thankful List of 2011

I am thankful:
1.   I had a wonderful Christmas here at home with Mom.
2.  I took my BlackBerry Curve 8330 back to Sam’s Club because I was having many problems with it. Mom instead bought me the BlackBerry Curve 8530 from Best Buy. It is working much better for me. I do not worry about it all the time like I was doing with the other one.
3.  I got my Kindle for Christmas. I did not think I would like an e-reader a lot, but I absolutely love my Kindle. I am discovering and re-discovering many classics since I have the Kindle.
4.  Mom gave me $50.00 in a Kindle Store gift card and my niece, Leigh, gave me $25.00 in an Amazon gift card, so I have been able to buy content for my Kindle that is modern.
5.  Mom gave me $150.00 in Borders gift cards and my sister-in-law, Linda, gave $30.00 so I have been able to buy some excellent books. Especially love my Oxford American English Dictionary which I have been wanting for years. I bought some writing books as well, and a Borders Rewards Plus membership which will save me money all year. I still have around $32.00 to spend, so I may buy some eBooks to read on the computer, or more books from the store.
6. Alex sent me a teddy bear outfitted in Marine Corps fatigues with Mountz embroidered on the pocket just like his real uniforms.
7.  I am keeping a detailed calendar of what I do each day on my BlackBerry which transfers to Google calendar.
This helps me budget my time more wisely.
8.  I read 130 books in 2010. Most of them were very enjoyable and I learned a lot through my reading. My goal for 2011 is the same as last year: 120 or more books. However, I hope to write more during 2011 so that may effect how many books I can read. Writing is very time consuming.
9.  I went out to lunch with one of my friends from my old Sunday School class yesterday. It was very good re-connecting with her. I enjoyed our conversation a great deal.
10. I experienced a very blessed year in 2010 and am looking forward to a wonderful year in 2011. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love. For all the drawbacks I face in life I am still a very happy person. Much good fills my days.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1.   I was able to write many Christmas cards by hand this year.
2.  Borders sent me a 50% off one item and a 33% off one item coupon so I bought two books I had been wanting.
3.  My niece, Leigh, found an appropriate all-in-one for us to send to Alex so that he can copy, scan, fax, and print and hopefully get back in college classes.
4.   Laura visited Friday night and we had a good time.
5.   The sugar cookies I picked up at Sam’s Club were delicious.
6.   We were not stranded when the truck battery went dead because I had my BlackBerry and was able to call my nephew, Jeremy, for assistance.
7.   I have friends all over the world because I have access to my laptop with internet access.
8.   Mom is feeling fairly well.
9.   I am very fortunate and blessed.
10.  Hope is a very loving puppy dog.

Hope relaxing in my chair. She always turns herself into positions that look uncomfortable, but she seems happy.

DSC_0174

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1.   Mom bought me a BlackBerry as an early Christmas present and is paying for six months of Boost Mobile service.
2.   I found new collars and leashes for Hope that are very pretty and were extremely reasonably priced.
3.   After being extremely upset, Mom has settled down and is being human again.
4.   I entered over 100 contacts into my BlackBerry and called several people I had not spoken to in ages. It was nice hearing their voices.
5.   I bought several wonderful books at Sam’s Club and Borders.
6.   Laura, Alex’s fiancée, asked me to do the writing inside their wedding invitations.
7.   We have heat to keep us warm as days grow cold.
8.   Hope, my puppy dog, is adorable, sweet, and lovable.
9.   So far, Mom and I have not been physically sick this season.
10. We are staying home for Christmas.
11.  I am blessed beyond all measure by the Lord who loves me and cares for my every need.
12.  My son, Alex, has grown into a wonderful young man who exceeds my expectations with his sterling character.
13.  I have read so many great books this year. 122 and counting.
14.  I cooked for Thanksgiving Day and Mom said it was delicious.
15.  I am content with my life, though it is not glamorous or exciting.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thankful List

I am thankful:
  1. Last week Borders gave me $15.00 in rewards to spend as I liked.
  2. I met my reading goal of 120 books.
  3. Mom enjoyed the meals I made for Thanksgiving Day.
  4. Laura, Alex's girlfriend, has called a few times and I have enjoyed talking to her.
  5. Reba's grandson was born a healthy baby.
  6. Mom bought a new lawnmower.
  7. I have reconnected with many people through facebook.
  8. I am enjoying reading some eBooks on my computer.
  9. I sent my desktop with Leigh to have the data recovered and perhaps it can be repaired.
  10. I bought two new CDs and loaded them on my iPods.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Poem For Someone Special

Somehow I Just Know

Sometimes I feel you.
I know you are out there
Reaching toward me,
But I cannot see you.

I am only aware
You are waiting
Just as I am here,
Worlds and worlds apart.

One day somehow
Our paths will cross,
We will recognize
One another.

We will find our hearts
Have been searching
For what we can give
Each other.

All the lonely time
Will fade away
While you and I
Are finally together.

Please do not give up
Because I will wait
However long it takes
For you to arrive.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Thursday, November 25, 2010

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thoughts of Gratitude 2010

As the holiday season begins and Thanksgiving comes upon us, my thoughts turn to the blessings God has bestowed through this year and others. I know I am treasured because I am cared for well.

The greatest blessing in my life has been the gift of my family. We are not the happiest and most well rounded of families, but there is a great reservoir of love between us.

Were it not for my mother’s abiding love, I would not have prospered at all. She has always taken care of me, even when I was unable to care for myself. When the outlook for my life was bleakest, she continued in hope, faith, and prayer for me. I often needed shelter and she gave me a home. I needed guidance and she gently led me. She considered my existence worthwhile, even when all others deserted me. I am eternally in her debt.

My brother, James, who died of lung cancer on March 15, 2009, remains my hero. He did not always like me, but his love for me never ceased. He gave many precious hours in an effort to help me when there was trouble in my life. His efforts made things bearable when situations were dire. He stood in as a strong male figure when there was no one else on whom I could depend.

My niece, Carrie Leigh, has been a stalwart friend and confidant when there were few to whom I could turn. She and I have shared our lives much as sisters and I know she will do what she can to bring a smile even in the most desperate times.

My nephew, Jeremy, has taken on the role of protector that James carried for many years. Though he is young, he can be depended on to do his best in times when he is needed.

My sister-in-law, Linda, is not close to me, but she can be kind. There are times she does things to bring the family together that are beyond my skill.

The person who has most blessed my life is my son, Alex. I never knew before I held him on the day of his birth how large was the capacity of love I could feel for another. My life had often seemed worthless, but knowing he depended on me gave me purpose. Even though the responsibility he brought into my life was great, it could not eclipse the joy he gave from the beginning. I have spent years trying to nurture him and give him a good life. My efforts have paid off in that we are the best of friends and he has become a young man of whom I am very proud. I am so very glad God blessed me with the gift of Alex.

When Alex went to Parris Island to become a United States Marine there was a void in my life. One Sunday after church, Mom and I went to Wal-Mart. In the parking lot, we found Shih Tzu puppies for sale. I held one and we went on into the store. I knew I could not really afford a puppy, but Mom encouraged me to get one. That is how Hope came into my world. She is a great blessing to me, because she loves me unconditionally, loyally, and totally.  I can also bestow lots of love on her.

I am blessed to live in the United States of America, where freedom exists and there are so many advantages. I am able to worship God as I see fit and I can speak my mind. I am protected from injustice and allowed to follow my dreams. As a creative person, I may write what I have in my heart, draw and paint my vision, and be unafraid of persecution.

God is my strength and source. All I have and am come from His grace. The Lord Jesus is with me in all my days and every situation. When I turn to Him, He will not deny me. If there is anything good that I have accomplished, it was through Christ’s efficacy. I am nothing without God.

I am grateful for a multitude of things. The details I have given today are only a beginning. I hope as you read my note, it brought to mind things for which you are thankful. Maybe if we all enter the season with gratitude it will make these holidays some of the best we have ever experienced.

May many blessings be showered on each of you.

Always,
Jo Ann

Monday, October 25, 2010

Thankful List

I am thankful:

1.   I downloaded some wonderful ePubs or eBooks to my computer.
2.  I have made some more wonderful connections through Facebook.
3.  It rained here today.
4.  Though there were thunderstorms we had no power outage nor damage from the storm.
5.  Alex is keeping in touch though he is in Djibouti.
6.  I have a comfortable place to live, food to eat, and many things I enjoy.
7.  God is with me and blesses my life.
8.  I have a wonderful puppy dog in Hope to keep me company.
9.  I was able to enjoy listening to some music turned up yesterday.
10. Mom is enjoying the extra channels we have on Directv right now.

My Sweet Hope

Friday, October 08, 2010

Another Day, Another Computer Fiasco

I have had some interesting moments with my computers of late.


Thursday, September 30, 2010, I had to call Microsoft Technical Support because Outlook was malfunctioning. After a couple of hours that problem was resolved again. I am not convinced it is permanently resolved, but for the time being it works.
Monday, October 4, 2010, I downloaded Google Chrome. That went well and worked smoothly, but that was the best of my recent adventures in computing. Also on Monday, I had to migrate my blog, Chronicles, from MSN Live Spaces to WordPress. Overall that has worked out okay, except that the photo albums, lists, and links I had on MSN Live Spaces did not migrate. These omissions are not pleasing to me.
Thursday, October 7, 2010, Alex called from Djibouti and informed me my yahoo email account had been hacked. He thought I might have a key-logger on my laptop. I spent a good bit of the day changing passwords on many of the sites I frequent. I also ran Norton scans to find out if there was anything wrong with my laptop which has become my primary computer. I found no problems and am fairly sure the laptop is secure.
Today, October 8, 2010, I turned on the monitor on my desktop computer which was already on and the screen was asking for a boot disk. I turned the computer off because I thought it was just an odd error. I turned it back on and it worked fine until it should have opened the desktop after the Windows loading screen. Instead it rebooted and brought up the HP opening screen. I found out this is called boot-looping and that it could be a software issue or it may be a hard-drive failure. I am hoping my niece’s husband can help me recover the computer from this failure or I will have to take it in to the Geek Squad at Best Buy. I had no printer access with the laptop because it had been networked through the desktop, but I carried the laptop into the bedroom and plugged the printer cable directly into it. That worked, but I knew there was wireless access to the printer, so I called HP Technical Support to get their help setting up the connection. At first they told me my warranty was not active, but they finally verified that it covers my printer. The technician took about three hours to get everything working properly… there were several problems so it took longer than usual.
I sincerely hope that the desktop can be recovered because it has a great deal of programming and data on it that is not accessible any other way.
Hopefully nothing new will go wrong with the laptop, the network, or the printer. I do not think I can deal with another computer related fiasco any time soon.
Always,
Jo Ann

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Photograph of Alex in Uniform


This is a picture of my son, Alex, who is a United States Marine.  Alex is currently in Djibouti and expects to be there until sometime in 2011. He is very happy as a Marine and has recently re-enlisted for another five years. He has been in the Corps since June 4, 2006. He has been stationed in Cherry Point, North Carolina, but his station will change to Japan after he returns from Djibouti. I am very proud of him and pray he stays safe.
Always,
Jo Ann

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Thankful List

I am thankful:

  1. Alex called Monday from Djibouti and sounded good.
  2. Our trip to bring Alex's Ranger home from Cherry Point went amazingly well.
  3. We had the dogs groomed on Monday and their appearance is much improved.
  4. Mom has been riding the stationary bicycle and some feeling is coming back in her legs and feet.
  5. The weather is cooler and I am able to walk with Hope more often.
  6. I have bought two new books that I am looking forward to reading.
  7. I downloaded Google Chrome and like the browser.
  8. The heater came on without any problems when I turned it on for the first time this season.
  9. We have a Sam's Club membership.
  10. My leg and foot are feeling a bit better.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful:

1. Alex's girlfriend, Laura, made the drive here safely last night. She came to renew Alex's tags because he was unable to get leave time.

2. I have done several pages of journaling this week.

3. My phone is working after going out of service last Thursday. I will not be billed a service call because the problem was at the junction box.

4. Mom is feeling a little better after having a bad cough earlier in the week.

5. I use Microsoft One Note to write some of my journal entries and really like the program's interface.

6. Mom bought me a package of ice cream.

7. We live outside of the city and most of the time it is peaceful and quiet here.

8. My baby, my puppy dog, Hope, keeps me company.

9. I ordered a year subscription to O magazine, a tote bag with logo, and a white tee-shirt with logo from www.mycokerewards.com. Because I had the points these things were free.

10. My niece, Leigh, and I are very close. She and her family are helping out here and that lifts some of the burden on me.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Creative Thinking

Creative Journal – Entry Two – Creative Thinking
Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Creative thinking is thinking beyond the constraints of what I should, or ought, to think. I am able to travel anywhere in my mind and think of anything I please. I have no limits. Coming up with unique and outlandish thoughts is acceptable and even good. I can write from this place of safety and non-judgment. Sometimes my thoughts get predictable and are not very creative. It is then that I find myself unable to write or create anything of worth. Often I want some inspiration to bring myself into a creative state of mind. My everyday life is not always inspirational and I cannot necessarily pull inspiration into myself.

Creative thinking solves problems and moves me beyond my normal experience. It helps me deal with the issues of my life. Even when I am not inspired, some measure of creativity informs my days. I would face infinite boredom were I not a creative person. I have to think creatively to move beyond a constant sense of depression and defeatism. Creative thinking is optimistic, seeing the good in even mundane situations. Creative thinking makes walking Hope on the same path repeatedly into an adventure. It makes the subtle changes in scenery and the attitude of the dog a delight. Creative thinking makes routine tasks interesting and worthwhile. It gives me gifts of insight and encouragement. Ordinary things become extraordinary when viewed creatively. Creative thinking allows me to move outside myself and look at things from different perspectives. I can see more than one side of a problem when I engage creatively.

Last night I went to bed about 11:45 and woke at 5:50 this morning. With Mom gone, I have to sleep with both Hope and Ko-Ko. Ko-Ko is only five months old and wants to play early in the morning. She woke me licking my face. Even so, I had a lot more sleep than the night before and I feel better this morning.

The funeral for Terry went well yesterday. June is coping well. I feel so sorry for her, but I know Mom’s being with her is a great comfort. I am glad to watch over things here while Mom is away. She will not be coming home until Wednesday afternoon at the earliest.

It is nice to have the house to myself. I can do whatever pleases me. I am not too constrained when Mom is home. Some of her habits like running the television so much are a little annoying. She eats on an earlier schedule than I like and I usually feel obliged to eat when she does so we can share our meals. I am listening to more music, and at a higher volume, than I am able to when she is home. I eat when I get hungry and that works well for me too.

This morning I finished reading Creative Journal Writing by Stephanie Dowrick. I read the whole book and am going back to do all the excellent exercises. It will take months to finish them. I found this a very inspiring book. I am handling the process a little differently than she suggests. I am journaling on the laptop and she recommends writing free hand in a paper-based journal. She recommends keeping the journal completely private and I am sharing mine with the Journal Writing group. I guess as with most things I have to take what works for me and disregard the rest. I may even eventually post some of what I write here on my blog. I need to bring the blog up to date and post regular entries there. I have rather neglected it for some time.

I kept my weekly food journal for one week. It is interesting to look back over what I have eaten. Writing down my consumption limits it. I find it amusing that it works that way, but I do not want to eat as much so I will not have to write down great quantities of food. It would be embarrassing to have a huge list, even with only me looking at the journal. I am one weird person.

Well that is all for now. I have to get dressed and walk Hope while there is a break in the rain.

Always,
Jo Ann

Free Associations

Creative Journal – Entry One - Free Associations
Monday, October 12, 2009


I am reading Creative Journal Writing by Stephanie Dowrick, which I have had for months, but have not opened since I bought it at Borders. I will be doing exercises from this book. I hope that working through these will cause my creativity to flow. I have not written freely in months.

I am writing more since I began participating in the Journal Writing group frequently. I have been a member of the group for years, but have rarely participated. I decided participating might nudge me in the direction of actually journaling.

Journaling is a form of writing I enjoy, but I think what I am actually aiming for is more creative writing like poetry, stories, essays, and possibly even a novel. I am seriously considering NanoWriMo this year. I only have absolutely no idea what I will write about in the novel. I have the idea I worked on in the past, but I do not know that I could get any further with it this year than I have before.

Mom is gone with June so the puppy dogs and I have the house to ourselves. I have turned the iPod in the SoundDock to some instrumental music, which makes a great background for reading and writing. Steven Halpern’s music is grand accompaniment to quiet pursuits. I have several of his CDs loaded on the iPod. They are somewhat new age and inspirational.

Often when Mom is home, I cannot play music because she runs the television constantly. I am not a television person. This season I have found several shows I like to watch in the evenings, but I feel somewhat like I am wasting my time while watching them. Reading seems much more a worthwhile activity.

I considered again working my way through 40 Days and 40 Nights, which is a Guided Journal by Ilene Segalove. I could not muster the stamina for such an undertaking just now. I loved what I accomplished with it when I used it a few years ago. I have those entries saved on the old desktop computer.

I have found it is easier for me to journal on the computer than free hand. I have some beautiful blank books I have collected over the years, but I hardly used them. The collection just takes up a lot of space in my over cluttered room. I should really stop buying blank books, but seem unable to resist beautiful designs.

The clutter in my room is just about to make it unusable. Over nine years of living here, I have collected a lot of stuff. I seem unable to part with any of it so it just keeps piling up. I guess I am a pack rat. If I had more room, it would not be a bad thing.

The clutter is what had almost completely stopped me from using my old desktop computer. The chair at my desk in there was always full of clothes and I hated having to move them to sit down and compute.

I have many instructional books on writing that I have not read. I pick new ones up from time to time at Borders. I tend to read the library books more frequently because I know they must be returned and I know books I have bought will always be here. It is another of the groups of things I collect.

It is raining here and has been since I woke up at 2:48 this morning. I hope it does not cause flooding like a few weeks ago. I am worried that people who have just begun to recover their lives may face disaster again.

I think I have written enough for now. I do not know that I did the free associations as I should, but I made the attempt.

Always,
Jo Ann